


hold me tight

by odetoptg



Category: DKB (Korea Band)
Genre: Anxiety, DKB, Insomnia, M/M, kpop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:02:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24350260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/odetoptg/pseuds/odetoptg
Summary: heechan has insomnia and dreams that plague him at night, but he doesn't say anything to anyone.seongsik is his neighboring room and hears him crying one night and decides to help him out.
Relationships: Jang Seongsik | Teo/ Yang Heechan, Teo/Heechan
Comments: 5
Kudos: 33





	hold me tight

The clock on the wall in the kitchen kept ticking and sadly, Heechan could hear every tick clear as day in his ears. Tonight was one of the nights he dreaded, especially when it was painfully quiet like this. Some nights, Heechan was left alone with his thoughts, anxiety, and insomnia all at once and it drove him crazy. He was fully aware of everything happening around him and it was nothing at all. All of his members were asleep right now, and he hated that. At times, when he has these episodes, he can hear the other members in the living room talking, or practicing or doing whatever it is they do after eleven, and it brings him the slightest bit of peace. But the worst times are when everyone is asleep and he is completely alone. He and Seongsik were the only ones who didn’t share a room. At first, he thought that was a good idea for him to have a room to himself because he wouldn’t have anyone to bother him and vice versa. Now, though, he regretted his decision. When he had these doubts, these voices in his head telling him that he wasn’t good enough, and whatever other bad things were spewed at him, he was all alone. He was too scared to talk to anyone about it, nervousness would always take him over if he tried. He was scared to talk to his members because he wouldn’t want to worry them and have them baby him twenty four seven like he had some kind of mental illness. I guess in a way, it wasn’t normal to be like this. Everyone didn’t have these thoughts, everyone didn’t have this kind of anxiety, and everyone didn’t have chronic insomnia because of it, either. He really should talk to someone about it, but he was scared to be judged. 

Tonight, things were the worse they had been. He was home alone. The other dkb members went out for some drinks and he stayed back at home, not feeling like going out. He thought that maybe tonight, he would be able to sleep and relax, but that was wishful thinking. He was home alone, which was worse, but in a way he thought it was better because no one would be able to hear him if he started to whine or cry. Honestly, he felt like a scared child. He felt like a little boy who was scared of the dark and needed a nightlight or something. He kept telling himself that he was a grown man and he didn’t need to be scared like this, that having this irrational fear of the dark, and the thoughts and anxiety that came with it shouldn’t be something he is worried about. Of course, that wasn’t the easiest thing to tell yourself, either. He knew it was okay to have fears, but of what exactly? He was so confused and his mind just kept spewing awful things to him about himself. He had thoughts that he wasn’t good enough, that he wasn’t talented, and that no one wanted anything to do with him and he was always going to be alone like this. He would always be alone, scared, and wishing that someone would come help him. 

All of these thoughts were piling on him like a ton of bricks, weighing him down to the point of tears. He tried to hold it in like he always did, but knowing he was home alone during all this both helped him and hurt him. It helped because he was just letting the tears fall and the sobs flow out of his mouth like a painful symphony, but it hurt because no one was there to help him or hear him or offer themselves as a shoulder to cry on. He was breaking and all he wanted to do was sleep. The simplest of gestures, the simplest thing he could do, and he couldn’t even have that. His mind was racing with thoughts of how he wasn’t good enough, how he should have just stayed where he was instead of trying to debut with a group of people who were so much more talented. They would never tell him that, but his brain was just getting more and more hurtful. He let out a loud, painful sob, all of the hurt and anxiety just weighing on him all at once. He was alone, and he didn’t know what to do. He wanted to get up, to leave, to go on a walk; anything. His body, though, wouldn’t allow him to get up. His muscles were tense, his body was weak, and he felt like he was going to fall to the floor if he even tried to get up. His whole body just seemed to give up on him, and as much as it hurt, he gave up on it as well. 

He fell back against his pillows, eyes closed shut tightly to try and drown out the extremely loud silence that was filling not only his room, but the entire house. It was so quiet, the wind barely blowing outside, the city unusually and painfully quiet. Heechan was on the verge of a complete breakdown, his hot tears just running down his cheeks at an increasingly quickened pace and he couldn’t stop them. He was so upset and so alone and all he wanted to do was hide himself away and not be seen again. He knew that might be a good plan, it could be better for everyone. He was so inside of his own head, that he hadn’t heard the front door open and shut quickly so the chilly air from outside wouldn’t fill the house too quickly. 

Seongsik had been out with the other members, but he had gotten too tired too quickly and decided he should go ahead and go back to their house. The other members were planning on getting drunk anyways, and were going to stay at some hotel or someone’s house, he couldn’t quite remember. Lucky for him, though, the cold air and drive home had sobered him up enough that he wouldn’t wake up completely hungover in the morning. He rubbed his eyes and tossed his keys on the counter. He wasn’t too tired, but he knew he should try and sleep anyways since it was almost midnight already. As he was walking to his room, he heard a noise, but he ignored it at first. He walked into his bedroom to change into his sweatpants and a tshirt that he usually slept in. Seongsik was about to climb into his bed but stopped in his tracks when he heard a noise that almost broke his heart. It was the sound of sobs and sniffles and it was coming from the other side of the wall, which he knew was Heechan’s room. It was then that he remembered Heechan didn’t go out with them to begin with and had been here all by himself all night. Seongsik, more than the other members, had a huge soft spot for Heechan. Although Heechan tried to hold himself as someone who had a cold outer image, someone who was always happy and smiling, someone who would always be cheerful, Seongsik knew that there was something else underneath all of that. He knew that something deeper and more painful was plaguing Heechan, and he was waiting for the right time to ask him about it, to ask if he was okay but never found it. This must be it. 

Once he decided to go talk to him, he quietly opened his bedroom door and went to knock on Heechan’s but it was already slightly open. He knocked anyways, not wanting to scare the poor boy, who was already scared it seemed. Heechan jumped when he heard the knock, a fearful gasp leaving his lips. 

“It’s just me, just Seongsik, I didn’t mean to scare you, I just… I heard you crying from my room and I wanted to come check on you. Are you alright?” He asked softly, his voice ringing through Heechan’s ears sweetly and gently, like honey. Heechan sighed softly and sniffled again, wiping his eyes and shaking his head.   
“I’m okay, I just uhm, had a bad dream.” Heechan wasn’t the best liar, but he tried as hard as he could so he wouldn’t bother Seongsik and let him sleep. “I’m good though, you can go back to sleep.” 

Seongsik contemplated what he should do in his head. Should he just let him be since he said he was okay? Should he stay and try and convince him to talk? Should he hug him and let him talk to him? He wasn’t sure what to do, but decided that since he knew Heechan had a really sensitive nature, he was going to try and help him. Seongsik walked over to him slowly, not wanting to scare him or make him angry, and sat beside him on the bed. He didn’t want to get too close, so he sat on the very edge while Heechan was near the wall. 

“You know,” Seongsik started quietly, “If you really did have a nightmare, the good thing about it is that it is over now, and it didn’t actually happen in the moment. It was all just a dream and you escaped it. I know that they’re scary and it can be hard to sleep afterwards, but you’re okay and you most likely won’t have another one. What do you do when you wake up with nightmares?” Seongsik asked softly, trying to get Heechan to think of something else. Heechan felt bad, though. He didn’t actually have a nightmare, in fact he never even went to sleep and he wanted to just be truthful with Seongsik. He always knew he could be, because unlike the rest of the members, something about the way Seongsik acted with him felt like he cared for him on a deeper level than the rest of his hyungs and members. Heechan sighed as he sat up a little more, leaning against his pillows and biting his lip.   
“If I do have nightmares, I just listen to music for a few minutes before going back to sleep, but tonight I didn’t have a nightmare.” He whispered barely audible, playing with his fingers in his lap. “I haven’t been to sleep, actually. My mind won’t leave me alone and won’t slow down.” Heechan wasn’t sure why he was telling Seongsik this, or why it flowed out so easily. He wasn’t stuttering. He wasn’t afraid to tell him. He felt like Seongsik was listening to his every word, and he was.   
“What are you thinking about? What’s your mind telling you tonight?” Seongsik asked carefully, not sure if he should ask or just let it be, but decided it was best to go ahead and let Heechan talk about it if he needed to. “If you want to talk about it, of course.” He retorted afterwards to make sure he was comfortable with it. The last thing he wanted to do was push too far and have Heechan feel uncomfortable or want him to leave. 

After a moment of silence, Heechan was unsure of what to even say. He was unsure what he should say in the first place. How would he describe what was happening to Seongsik if he even did? Did he want to? What if Seongsik thought he was crazy and didn’t like him anymore? What if Seongsik told him that he was stupid for feeling this way and that he should get some psychiatric help? Heechan was starting to get overwhelmed again and the tears started rolling just as fast as they had stopped and he hiccuped softly to try and stop himself, but it was no use. He was crying all over again and as soon as Seongsik heard and saw this, he felt his heart break even more. His friend was having a breakdown beside him, and hearing his sobs brought more pain to his heart than he ever could have imagined. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know how to console him or get his friend to stop crying, so he did all he knew how to do. Seongsik scooted closer to Heechan, lifted him just barely and held him in his arms. He moved his legs so he was sitting completely in his lap, head nestled in Seongsik’s shoulder. Heechan’s initial instinct was to push him away, to move off of his lap, but the second Seongsik wrapped his arms around Heechan, he felt safe. He felt comforted, he felt like he didn’t have the need to cry anymore. He stopped sniffling and crying after a little while, but he didn’t move. He just laid his head against Seongsik who had been comforting him and singing to him quietly to try and calm him down and it had worked. Heechan was surprised at Seongsik’s gesture, how he was holding him for almost an hour and half and didn’t get tired of it, didn’t push him away or try to force him to talk. Seongsik just held him to help him stop crying and that was all it took, just the feeling of his arms wrapped around Heechan. 

“Feel better?” Seongsik asked quietly, looking down at Heechan, who looked incredibly tired. Heechan nodded slowly and just stared up at him, wanting to say something but too tired to find the words.   
“Could you.. Could you stay here with me until I fall asleep?” Heechan whispered as quietly as he could, embarrassed for even asking in the first place. He knew he would be able to fall asleep with someone beside him, though. Seongsik smiled softly and nodded.   
“Of course I will, do you want me to hold you or do you want to lay down?” Something about the way those words came out of Seongsik’s mouth did something to Heechan that he couldn’t explain.   
“Hold me tight.” He said shyly, but confident enough in his answer. Seongsik nodded and leaned back slowly, bringing the blankets over the both of them as he let Heechan lay against him, head on his chest as Seongsik wrapped his arms around Heechan’s body carefully.   
“Try and get some sleep, okay? It’s late.” Seongsik whispered and brushed some hair out of Heechan’s face, giving him a soft smile. Heechan smiled back and within a few minutes was sleeping a lot better than he had in a long time, and it was all thanks to Seongsik. 

In the morning, when Heechan woke up, he was left alone. He frowned to himself when he realized that Seongsik had left him somewhere between the time he fell asleep and woke up. Maybe he was embarrassed to be seen in Heechan’s room in case the other members had woken up and saw them. That thought hurt his feelings, but he did it to himself. He sighed, carefully getting up and going to the bathroom to shower. He was glad he had gotten some sleep and he was glad that he was able to sleep all night. It was daylight now, which was great for him and his fear of the dark anxiety. He still felt like a child, but that was the least of his worries right now. He was thankful for Seongsik in helping him, and he wanted to thank him. Once he took his shower, he realized that the other members hadn’t been home yet. Seongsik didn’t seem to be awake, either. Heechan poked his head into Seongsik’s room and smiled as he saw him sitting up scrolling through his phone. Seongsik smiled when he saw his friend.   
“Good morning.” He said, his voice a bit raspy.   
“Hi, I just wanted to thank you for last night.” Heechan said softly, blushing a little bit. “You really did help me, so I really appreciate that.” Seongsik smiled at those words as he sat up even more.   
“Hey it’s no problem, Channie. You know I care about you a lot, and I want you to know that if you ever need someone to talk to, or just a shoulder to cry on, I’ll always be here for you, no matter what okay?” Heechan felt a smile forming on his face and he nodded quickly.   
“I’ll remember that. Thank you.” He said one last time before walking out of his room and into the kitchen to make breakfast. 

And they continued that way for the next two months. Almost every night, Heechan would find himself in one of his anxiety attacks, his mind bringing him down with negative thoughts of every kind and the dark surrounding him. Occasionally, he would let himself suffer alone because he was worried to knock on the wall to get Seongsik’s attention, but somehow, Seongsik would always know. He would check on him every night, and most nights he would end up in Heechan’s bed, cuddling him and holding him until he fell asleep so he wouldn’t be scared. Seongsik would wake up every morning before the other members would and walk to his own bedroom to either fall back to sleep or wait until the other members woke to hang out with them. He wasn’t embarrassed about sleeping with Heechan, he didn’t care if they had something to say. He was more worried about how Heechan would feel. If they started to tease him, it might make him feel worse about himself than he already did and he didn’t want that to happen. Seongsik would comfort and console him no matter what happened, but he would rather take the heat from the other members than have them tease Heechan about it. 

Tonight had to be one of the worst nights yet. Heechan had fallen asleep on his own for the first time in months, so Seongsik went to bed in his own room. He was sleeping silently and peacefully, not worried about Heechan because he saw he had already fallen asleep. Heechan was sleeping about the same way, but his mind started to play tricks on him through his dreams. His sweet dream quickly turned into a terrible nightmare that plagued him to the point that he couldn’t wake up. He wasn’t sure what was happening, all he knew was it was something bad and someone was trying to hurt him, and he couldn’t escape it. He was already starting to cry in his sleep, and he didn’t realize how much he was crying and how loud he was being. He was so worried about waking everyone up, but only one person woke up; Seongsik. Seongsik heard his tearful sobs, his heartbreaking whimpers and it immediately woke him from his sleep. He had to take a second to wake up completely from his sleep and as soon as he did, he made his way to the next room over and opened the door without knocking, making his way to the bed. He sat down next to Heechan who was still sleeping but he was having a terrible nightmare, he could only imagine what he was dreaming about but he wouldn’t pester to find out unless Heechan told him. He climbed into the bed beside Heechan, moving the younger boy into his arms and holding him right against his chest. 

“Shh, shh Heechan it’s okay. You’re safe, just wake up.” He rubbed his shoulder, kissing the top of his head and rocking him gently to try and help him wake up. “C’mon Channie, wake up for me.” After a moment, Heechan woke with a bit of a twitch and just cuddled himself closer to Seongsik. “Seongsik?” He whimpered, the sound of his voice almost broke Seongsik’s heart into pieces.   
“Yeah, it’s just me. You’re safe, it was just a nightmare.” Heechan sniffles and shakes his head, laying it closer on Seongsik’s chest.   
“It wasn’t just a dream….. It wasn’t. It felt so real, it was so realistic, that’s how things are going to happen.. No one cares about me and all people do is think of me as a burden. I’m just a burden to everyone, especially you.” Heechan cried against Seongsik, not being able to control what he was saying. “I’m not deserving of people caring about me, I’m a burden, I’m untalented, everyone just… should leave me alone because I’m not deserving of anything.” Heechan couldn’t stop his tears from falling as he completely just fell apart in Seongsik’s arms. “I’m nothing compared to you guys and I don’t deserve people to care about me, and no one is able to love me or care about me.” He was rambling and repeating himself and he couldn’t stop the tears. He felt so broken, he felt like he wasn’t going to be able to stop. He just buried his face deeper into Seongsik’s chest and let himself cry against the fabric of his shirt. 

It took Seongsik a minute to gather his words that he wanted to say to Heechan. He needed to comfort him, he needed to tell him everything was okay and how much he cared about him. He just had to find the best thing to tell him to make him feel better so he wouldn’t get anymore upset than he already was. He took a deep breath and rubbed Heechan’s back carefully as he held him closer to him.   
“I can’t say that I know how you feel, Channie. Everyone has different thoughts in their own way and no matter what, I won’t feel exactly the same as you feel. But I can tell you this much. You’re not a burden to me at all. You are so far from a burden it is unreal. I’ve told you before and I will tell you again, I care about you so much. You’re one of my closest friends and I would do anything and everything for you because I care about you. I want you to feel okay, to be okay. I want you to realize your worth and how much you mean to not only me but to the other members and so many other people. You’re so special in your own way and I know that it can be hard dealing with these thoughts in your head and in your dreams telling you otherwise, but they’re wrong. You deserve to be loved, to be cared for, to be reminded how much you mean to someone and I want you to know that I am always here and I will always care about you, okay? I want you to know that. I promise I am always here for you and always will be.” Seongsik finished his thought, and he was pleased with what he said, but it wasn’t exactly what he wanted to say. For right now, though, he could see it was enough. Heechan had stopped crying and he was just leaning against him, holding onto his waist and it was quiet after that. Both men were quiet, just processing everything that had happened. 

“Thank you.” Was all Heechan could get out for the time being. His mind was swirling with the words that Seongsik had told him. “I know you care about me.. You’ve shown me more attention and more compassion in the last couple of months than anyone has in my entire lifetime. I don’t think I’d ever be able to thank you enough for that. I just want you to know that I care about you too, so much. I appreciate you more than you could ever know and I’m really glad that I have you and you’re so sweet to me.” Heechan was trailing off towards the end of his sentence. The way Seongsik was holding him, rocking him gently and rubbing his back had him starting to drowsy all over again.   
“You never have to thank me.” Seongsik started, unaware that Heechan had already fallen asleep in his arms. “I do it because I love you.” But Heechan didn’t hear, but it did something to Seongsik’s heart to have finally said it and he fell asleep happily with Heechan in his arms. 

The next morning, Seongsik had woken up as usual to get up, but Heechan didn’t seem to want to let him go. He was holding onto him so tightly, but Seongsik finally got free from his grasp after a few tries. It was still early enough for him to get out of the room and to his own without being noticed. But his luck with being unnoticed in the mornings had run out. When he walked out, he almost ran right into Gwanghyun, who looked to be half asleep himself.   
“Seongsik? What are you doing awake? And why are you coming out of Heechan’s room?” Gwanghyun asked with a bit of a curious look. Gwanghyun wouldn’t be one to make fun of either of them, but he still was curious and would poke a little fun at them.   
“Oh, he wasn’t able to sleep so we talked for a little while and now I’m going back to bed.” That was all Seongsik said to him and Gwanghyun just nodded, continuing his journey to the bathroom, not really worried about it. He did think it was strange, but he was too tired to even worry about it and then he went back to bed. Seongsik made it to his room and laid down, staring at his ceiling with a bit of a smile on his face. He had said I love you out loud to Heechan, but he probably didn’t hear it since he was asleep. That didn’t matter, he would say it again when the time felt right, but for right now, he would be able to fall asleep happy. 

For the past week, Heechan hadn’t been waking up in the middle of the night and he had been sleeping peacefully. He wasn’t sure what it was or why it was so easy for him to fall asleep now, but he wasn’t complaining. He did miss Seongsik, but he didn’t want to ask him to sleep in the bed with him if he didn’t need him too. He already felt like a bother, but not as much with Seongsik. That night when Seongsik talked to him after his breakdown, he felt a lot better. He felt that someone really did care about him and that someone really didn’t think of him as a burden. Heechan had a feeling it was something more than just being a good friend, that Seongsik had a deeper feeling for him. No one had ever treated him this way, had never made him feel so good and made him feel so safe and he didn’t want to lose that. Tonight, he was going to tell Seongsik because he felt that he couldn’t keep it in any longer. They had been spending almost every night together for the last three months, talking about whatever they wanted, spending time together, getting to know each other a little more and just enjoying each other’s company for the last few weeks and Heechan didn’t want to imagine losing that. Even though his nightmares, anxiety attacks, and general fear hadn’t come back for the last couple of days, he still felt the need to be in Seongsik’s arms. He was going to tell him tonight, and that was that. 

Around one am, he could hear Seongsik shuffling in his bedroom, about to fall asleep. He heard the gentle creek of the bedsprings, which meant he had just laid down. Heechan took a deep breath and he stood up slowly, walking the short distance to Seongsik’s bedroom and pushing the door open carefully, closing it just as softly behind him.   
“Channie? What are you doing awake still? Are you okay?” Seongsik immediately sat up, thinking something was wrong. Heechan didn’t say anything and walked over to his bed, sitting down next to him and laying his head on his shoulder, feeling comforted as soon as he did so. Seongsik wrapped his arm around Heechan’s shoulders and smiled a bit. “Are you okay?” He asked again silently, to which Heechan nodded.   
“I’m okay, I just wanted to see you.” He whispered shyly, looking up at Seongsik, who had a smile on his face.   
“Really? You just wanted to see me?” Heechan nodded and put his arms around Seongsik’s waist as he sat there with him, taking in his scent from his shower just an hour before. He didn’t say anything at first and looked up at him finally.   
“Yeah, I wanted to see you. I wanted to talk to you, too.” He moved away from him, but not too far, just enough so they would be eye to eye and Seongsik could tell he was being genuine.   
“About what?” Seongsik asked curiously, but not in a bad curious tone as if something bad was coming.   
“The last few months, you’ve been helping me with everything that goes on at night. You’ve been coming to my room, talking to me when I need it, holding me, just comforting me so I didn’t feel so alone. You console me and always remind me that you care about me, that I’m enough and that I deserve to be cared for and how I shouldn’t be so hard on myself. You’ve helped me not have so many nightmares. You’ve helped me realize my worth and that someone does care about me. That I’m not alone and what happens with me is okay. You’ve never once made me feel less than or made me feel like I was crazy. And I know that sometimes when people feel so cared for, they lose sight of their true feelings and think they like someone just because they pay attention to them, but that’s not true in this case. I’ve liked you for a long time. You’ve always been someone I felt like I could open up to, that I felt comfortable around, and you just make me feel incredible. And the other night, I heard you say you loved me and I… I wanted to say it back, but I wanted to make sure that’s what I truly felt and it is. I really think I love you too.” 

Heechan’s words came out slightly shaky, but only because he was nervous. He was 100% certain of what he was saying. He knew his feelings for Seongsik weren’t just because he showed him attention. He always had a crush on him, and this just heightened it and made him realize that he loved him. And when Seongsik said that he loved him too, that was all he needed to hear to finally be able to say it to him. Seongsik was taken back at his words, but in the best way possible. Never in a million years would he have thought that Heechan would feel that way about him. He never thought he would love him in that way, that he would ever feel more about him than just a friendship. He knew they’d be close after this, but he never thought Heechan would love him back. He almost didn’t know what to say, all he could do was smile at Heechan and hold him ever tighter to him.   
“I am so glad to hear you say that. You mean so much to me, Channie and I do love you. I’ve always had such a soft spot for you and these last few months just showed me how much I do love you, and I hope that I am able to show you just how much I love you through my words and my actions.” Seongsik said softly, brushing some hair from Heechan’s eyes and sighed softly.   
“Can I be your boyfriend?” Heechan finally speaks up, looking up at him with teary eyes that are filled with nothing but joy. Seongsik smiled widely and nodded just as happily. “I was just about to ask you. Of course you can be my boyfriend, I’d be honored.” He leaned down and kissed Heechan’s head.   
“Does that mean I can move in your room with you?” Heechan smiled brightly, and Seongsik just nodded.   
“If that’s what you want, of course. I am sure Changmin would love a room to himself.” He chuckled lightly and gave his boyfriend a soft kiss to the lips.   
“That’s what I want to do. I want you to be able to hold me tight every night like you have been, except now, I’m your boyfriend.” Heechan says softly,   
“And that’s what I am going to do. I love you.” Seongsik whispers.   
They both curl up with one another and fall asleep holding one another, finally happy together.

**Author's Note:**

> ahhhhhh!! I love dkb so much already and I think that the teo/heechan ship needs to be sailing! either way, I really like this concept and I hope you all enjoyed reading it! have a lovely day/night <3


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